Dad has Dementia

[Bill D 1,926]

My father has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's/Dementia.  Any advice from those that have been down this road would be welcomed, and your prayers very much appreciated.  Thank you.

 

Bill

Edited May 29, 2022 by Bill D

[lynnmor 7,308]

I've been there, it is not easy.  The worst day of my life was the one where my Dad needed to be placed in a facility because it became impossible to keep him in his home.  Just do what you know is right.

[ri702bill 8,341]

Bill - I have been dealing with this condition as my older sister could no longer live alone since 2015. As @lynnmor stated - do what you know is right - right for ALL involved. Taking care of another person as their mental state declines is a 24-7 job in itself. You may be able to take care of him at your home, but you cannot do it yourself and hold down a job - it requires 2 caretakers minimum. I received Power of Attorney for her financial and medical needs that year - she became a resident at a local Assisted Living facility from 2015 to early this year. She had Covid twice last year, as did most of the 53 residents & staff. She and four other residents came back from the hospital the second time a different person - not in a good way. Covid greatly accelerated her mental decline - she is now a resident doing OK at a great Nursing Home in the next town in their Alzheimer Ward. She is where she needs to be, getting the personal care she deserves ....

What is right may not be easy, what is easy may not be right. You have to look at your own situation and decide. Hindsight is 20-20, looking back from now to 2015, I have no regrets for the difficult decisions I had to make.

Bill

Edited May 29, 2022 by ri702bill

[pacer 3,173]

Start NOW checking into the ... unbelievable red tape and bureaucacy? of getting into a nursing facility because it Will come to that.

 

I'm still recovering from my little bride of 61 yrs battle with late onset MS and shortly after that diagnosis she started the decline into dementia. This was for some 5 years, I was able to care for her till the last year when I had to get her in a facility. I had seen it coming and with the talk of a facilities running in the $6000+ per month range, I used a service that specialized in taking care of this morass of getting her qualified for medicad - which was .... unbelievable !! That upfront cost for their services was a bit pricy, but as time went on and I saw what they were able to get accomplished, I soon forgot that upfront cost. Ended up with them taking about $225 out of her SS and that was ALL!!

 

Thankfully?? she passed a year ago....Dementia is a truly HORRIBLE disease!!!

[ri702bill 8,341]

Bear with me for a bit more.... I do not know about the rules in NY; let me tell you about two here...

My wife's best friend's parents each had health issues - Her Dad ended up going into an Alzheimer facility for 8 years until his death while her Mom lived at home. The state placed a lien on their home, she could stay there until she passed. Once both had died the State demanded the sale of all their tangible property AT FAIR MARKET VALUE, no "Fire Sale" prices and NO sales to relatives, so that the state could be repaid.

My sister lived alone, and both facilities accepted her Social Security check as payment - AFTER I had sold her car and home and gotten her financial assets below 4K.

Medicaid - what a process. But it was done by the first facility, and we have a State funded Healthcare Plan for just such folks. Look into it if NY has one....

[oldlineman 1,481]

I also have walked this path with my dear father. We couldn't keep him from walking off.Finally, having power of attorney, I had to place him in a secure home for his safety.My only advice is love them and be there with them. There will come a time when they won't know who you are but continue to love and support them.This has helped me with coping with this terrible affliction. Praying for you through this trial of life. Bob Blough Jr. 

Edited May 29, 2022 by oldlineman

[ri702bill 8,341]

1 hour ago, pacer said:

Start NOW checking into the ... unbelievable red tape and bureaucacy? of getting into a nursing facility because it Will come to that.

We have a serious situation here in RI where 26 of the many Healthcare facilities are operating in the red, are circling the drain, and are in eminent danger of closing - permanently. 

Check the financial "health" of the facility you choose - don't just take their word for it - look deeper. The last thing you need is to have your loved one in a facility nearby that suddenly closes, and your Dad ends up in another facility halfway across the state....

Edited May 29, 2022 by ri702bill

[pacer 3,173]

3 hours ago, ri702bill said:

The state placed a lien on their home, she could stay there until she passed. Once both had died the State demanded the sale of all their tangible property AT FAIR MARKET VALUE, no "Fire Sale" prices and NO sales to relatives, so that the state could be repaid.

My sister lived alone, and both facilities accepted her Social Security check as payment - AFTER I had sold her car and home and gotten her financial assets below 4K.

 

That sounds very similar to La, and, which would have happened to me if I had not heard of this service I mentioned. As I said up front was pricy but in long run was quite cheap as I mentioned La only took some $225 of my wifes ck and EVERYTHING else we were able to keep! 

 

And, yes, we had any choice of facility and with the research I had done, found a wonderful place within easy distance drive also

[Ed Kennell 38,227]

3 hours ago, oldlineman said:

 pla

                                                   It can be difficult at times,  but try to remember this poem.   

[tomshorse4keeps 7]

Bill D    Sorry to hear, about your Dad, my Mother had Alsheimer's, I am single, so I retired, to take care, of her for 6yrs. until she died. at 87yrs. old. She did not want, to go into a nursing home. Lots of trips to doctors. Lots of health care professionals, trying to convince me, to put her, into a home. One even told me, this is not your job, she should be , in a home. I asked , if it's not my job whose is it. I didn't get a response. I can't add much to what's been posted. The only thing, to keep in mind is you must be extremely patient, with them, they are not the person, they used to be, they lose their ability, to think clearly, get stubborn, at times and are very vulnerable. They need someone to feel safe with and to protect them. There is a Alzheimer's association, in some states. That may be able to give some assistance, but there's, not much they can do, except maybe, put you in touch, with some other agencies. Most of the time, I spoke, to them, they also said, there's nothing I could do, for her, that I should just, put her in a home and go live my life. The last year, of her life, a hospital here, arranged, to have nurses, come in a couple days a week, to monitor her condition and for physical therapy. It was all paid for, with her insurance and Medicare. But I regret, allowing them, to do the exercises, they chose. They said it would improve her life,  She tried very hard, some were very difficult, for her, including going up steps and she was wore out, when they left she never improved. I just heard about, a new Alzheimer's book yesterday, That I intend, to pick up, called "Keep Sharp Build a Better Brain at Any Age." by Sanjay Gupta. It won't help your Dad, but it may help you. The only thing, that helped me was my belief, in the Lord. I never wanted to lose her, but knew, there wasn't going, to be a happy ending. Stay strong and let everyone know, your in his corner, it may not be the right thing to say, but for the most part, I think health care professionals, only care as much, as you do. If you decide, he needs, to go, in a nursing home, do lots of research, on line, they have ratings. In closing, let me say, I don't regret it, keeping her with me and would do it. all over again.

[Bill D 1,926]

I took awhile to find the right doctor and get an appointment but we finally got a definitive diagnosis on my Dad.  The disease is called Lewy Body Dementia. It's the second most common form of dementia after Alzheimer's.  It was a difficult day.  Please keep us in your prayers.  Bill

[stevebo-(Moderator) 8,330]

Bill,

I do not however prayers coming your way. Only thing I could say is remember to take care you and your own physical and mental health!

[Bill D 1,926]

One of the scariest things is that there is a possible genetic component to this.  My Dad's brother has Parkinson's.  His uncle had Alzheimer's and looking back at my grandfather's final years it's likely he had this too.  I'm thinking about getting tested to see if I may be at risk.

[johnnymag3 2,520]

1 hour ago, Bill D said:

I'm thinking about getting tested to see if I may be at risk

 

Bill.....

    If there is anything that can be done for you and your future health, than get tested !! 

I remember talking to you about this when I got the Wheel Horse a few months ago, and it seems your  prognosis was right on the money. I know you were dealing with a lot of things with Dad and family recently, and sometimes you have been pressed in a corner. Keep everything in order, you will be able to do this with your ability and good health. Its never easy as I have lost BOTH of my parents to terrible health issues. I kept my head up, prayed a lot for everyone...and especially for the good Lord to give me the tools needed to get through. I miss them both dearly, also wished I had told them I loved them one more time...just be there....agree...smile....laugh....hold his hand...and agree...AGREE...to whatever makes him happy. He is in his own place, just remember that... He will be much more comfortable feeling that he still matters. Dementia is a horrible thing. 

 

john

 

  Reach out if you need me or anything,

You have my number...God Bless.....Amen  

Edited September 1, 2022 by johnnymag3

[Pullstart 62,913]

Bill, thank you for bringing this to light.  I missed the first round back in May.  So sorry to hear, it is very difficult.  About 8 years ago, we lost Mrs. P’s dad’s mom to Alzheimer’s.  Grandpa is not the brightest crayon in the box and is very cheap.  He settled for a poor choice of homes after about a year or two of us family members bringing meals to the house, stopping by at random, etc. to check on her while he “worked” at the farm down the road.  It was a choice to leave her home and be stubborn and ornery with her when she’d ask the same question over and over when he was around.  The farm basically allowed him to work there, for cheap or free, because they paid him with the beer fridge on Friday nights.  Poor situation indeed.  I, being an in law or in the family for about 7 or so years, was by that time close enough to be a grandson for sure.  When I would bring her lunch, she’d call grandpa to let him know “some guy” was there with food.  Well, she didn’t last long once she was in a home.  Soon after Grandma S. Was gone, her mother’s mother began showing signs of memory loss but only my wife and I saw it coming.  Luckily, this grandpa is much more patient with her and after a few years of the family believing she has memory loss, they’ve come around to being nearby more often than not.  She’s in her 90’s though and just had a full knee replacement.  Her recovery hasn’t been good, because she is too stubborn to listen to the family or the in house PT guy on healing instructions.  Gotta love her!  My grandparents have been gone for 17 years + and I’m thankful for my grand parents in-law too accept me as a grandson and that even my girls have gotten to know their great grand parents.  Family is everything!

[Tractorhead 9,064]

Don‘t keep yourself in a panic about.

Not all signs must be dementia even if they appears similar.

Since Mrs.T‘s heart attack, she be in panic she develops dementia at herself because her Father has...

The sometimes forgotten things are actual depending on her strong medication.

We learned a lot about, while Mrs.T’s Dad is running thru the complete dementia process with all 

it‘s ups and downs.

Just anybody who learned it that way will understand the panic to prevent it.
It was a very exhausting time for all involved, but in hindsight we are happy to be able to accompany him to the last second.

 

Reviewed i learned a lot of things about different forms of dementia.

yes, there is not only one form existing, my daughter works in a laboratory, where they do some
investigation on cancer prevention and for a few forms of dementia suspression.
There be things, that can few forms of dementia slowing down it a little, But actually there is no complete healing.

but as it can nearly being stopped in an early stadium that would be also great i.m.h.o.