Life changes in a second.

[8ntruck 7,007]

 I hear you.  Got a touch of claustrophobia one day on a MD80 flight while waiting for takeoff.  Flight was 100% full, my seat was the starboard window seat in the last row.

[953 nut 55,262]

Cas, prayers going out for safe travels, your wife's well being and the health of your father.

[Tractorhead 9,064]

Sorry to read that Cas,

I will include you in my Prayers and hope all turned good for you and your Family.

 

Family is one of the most important things we all have.

 

 

 

[formariz 11,987]

I am here now. Have to see tomorrow what is going on. I hear that on top of everything he has pneumonia too. He is under quarantine since he was moved to another section. Normal thing here they are terribly strict with COVID precautions. I am going to have to be tested every time I go in and that is by appointment only. Information also very hard to get. I miss the good old US already. 

Edited February 14, 2022 by formariz

[oldlineman 1,481]

Glad you made it safely and at least have some contact with him. We don't know sometimes how well we have it here until we are put into a situation such as you are in now, stay safe and prayers for your whole family. Bob

[formariz 11,987]

Been about a week and a tough one at that. Two hospitals later and physical recovery is going ok from the heart, pneumonia issues. Unfortunately Alzheimer’s has shown its cruel presence arriving uninvited, quickly , and relentlessly. The decline from day to day is hard to comprehend. He can no longer be independent and left on his own. Tough hard to make choices and decisions riddled with feelings of guilt , confusion and heartache. He has a young woman who has been his caretaker for the past  ten years starting with Mom back then. I have no idea what I would have done without her now. An incredible example of what a good decent kind human being she is. This is also taking a terrible emotional toll on her for this really stopped being a job for her many years ago. We are blessed to have her in our lives . 

[Handy Don 12,232]

Many of your posts, @formariz, reveal your deep familial bonds. You will, all of you working together, find a way forward. This must be especially excruciating for your father during those times when he is aware of his increasing limitations. Prayers are for strength and wisdom for all of you.

[Tractorhead 9,064]

 

We had to learn it the hard Way at Katy’s Dad, how Hard the final stadium of Alzheimer is.

 

Words can not describe how hard it is to understand and accept of what that means in real.

It is even more extremely hard to accept it emotionally.
The head recognizes what is happen, but the heart couldn‘t accept it. 

It is impossible to describe what you feel inside when you see it growing.
I hope it will give you some strenght in that Hard times.

[formariz 11,987]

Never having any experience or any interaction with anyone with this condition, it is very confusing if not disturbing dealing with it. The constant back and forth switching from reality to non reality within  a second and without any warning is a devastating thing to watch. All of that with such a “ normality” that I sometimes even wonder if I am just not getting the conversation. Incredibly many times in the reality moments it is like he knows that his mind was just before lost somewhere else and brings up important things such as where the will is and where the properties deeds are located. All of that always with a sense of urgency and even panic. Like telling me all he can before he no longer can come back to reality. This is an absolute devastating thing to watch . I have never felt so helpless in my life. I have always been able to help many people in my life and improve or help with their difficulties from my wife’s illness to a son’s addiction being the most important ones , but there is nothing that I can do to help my father with this. It’s very hard to witness this happening as I look in his eyes. 

[SylvanLakeWH 25,577]

I can relate… Just visited my 95 year old Dad… memory is gone… same story discussed 3-4 times… then out of the blue he tells us obscure facts / stories from 50 years ago… then doesn’t remember if he ate lunch…

 

But… Time spent with them at this point is a beautiful thing… simply accompanying them knowing there’s really nothing that you can do to “fix” it… just walk with them through it… 

 

Your presence there matters…

Edited February 21, 2022 by SylvanLakeWH

[Handy Don 12,232]

55 minutes ago, SylvanLakeWH said:

Time spent with them at this point is a beautiful thing… simply accompanying them knowing there’s really nothing that you can do to “fix” it… just walk with them through it… 

 

Your presence there matters…

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And don't rely on your own memory.  I kept a notebook to write things down. It helped later when sharing with other members of the family and with friends. 

[lynnmor 7,307]

I had to take my dad from his home due to the same type of illness, that was about the toughest day of my life.  Just know that you are doing the best you can and take some comfort in that.  

[Tractorhead 9,064]

Hey Formaitz, sent some prayers to you again.

The hardest and most important thing you have to do is give emotional support to your father.

That's the biggest challenge, because regardless of how tough you are, it's extremely exhausting.
The thing is, what you have called "changing waking moments" makes this scenario so difficult to believe and understand.

Be careful that his Alzheimer's disease doesn't exhaust you too much or even throw you out of life.
I know this may sound unfair or selfish, but it definitely isn't.
You have to protect a part of yourself too, or your Alzheimer's will destroy a lot of you too.

You won't believe it or want to hear it at first, but what causes it in you can be worse in the long run. you feel like you're being eaten alive.

The helplessness at that time and the circumstances of this illness drive you almost crazy,
This is also normal and one of the reasons why you have to protect yourself to a certain extent.

I know that may sound unfair and wrong, maybe that's why some people think I'm a bastard or even an idiot, but we learned it the hard way after Kati's father died.

 

 

[oldlineman 1,481]

I have also walked this path with my late father who died from this terrible affliction Feb. 18, 2018. Be with him and love him and do all you can for him, even though he might act like he doesn't know what you are doing. My father was the kindness and most loving dad that anyone could have, but at the end he was not the same man outwardly but was still my dad, and I miss him every day. Cherish your moments with him while you can.  This writing has helped me through this journey, hope that it also helps you. With sincere sympathy. Bob Blough Jr 

[formariz 11,987]

Just left his room so our Guardian Angel could go see him. Asks for her constantly. We are working on the next steps we need to take and eventually comes the fact that I need to cross the Atlantic again and leave him for a little while. This fact does not make things easier to reconcile in my mind or more importantly my conscience. My heart is literally being torn apart with this situation. I am even having difficulty keeping my mind and thoughts organized which is not a good thing.  Spend countless hours talking to my wife and sons which due to all we have to do here and the time difference puts me going to sleep at 4AM here many times not even being able to do so.

 

 I sincerely appreciate all of you and your words of comfort  ,understanding, and advice . It  makes a big difference. I never imagined many years ago that the cute little red tractor was going to impact my life in such a manner and give so much more than what it was originally intended for. I have always been lucky like that and come across good people such as you in my life so I guess the tractor was just the means with which that was about to happen again. 

Edited February 22, 2022 by formariz

[oliver2-44 9,756]

Keeping you and your family in my prayers

[oldlineman 1,481]

I can't imagine how much harder your situation would be than what I have gone through, with your father an ocean apart from you.My father was 94 years old and only 3 miles from me. You are very fortunate to have a caring person that he accepts. My family's prayers to your whole family and caretaker. Bob    

[formariz 11,987]

Things are kind of stable now. The physical recovery is nothing short of astounding. Mentally with the medication he is also much better. Many times still of confusion and mixing of facts. We had to place him in a home which was not an easy decision for me to make . The best for him but I can’t seem get over the guilt associated with that decision. He is however adapting to it really fast . He will still have the young woman that has been their caretaker for the last ten years. She will visit him all the time and even take him out occasionally along with taking care of his affairs. She is really the sister I never had. Without her I don’t even know what I would do. 
 

Will be flying back tomorrow . Been here for one and a half months now. It’s been tough on my wife alone also. As expected things that never break have been breaking during my absence.

I miss my family and my home.

[rjg854 11,368]

I'm sure you'll be happy to get back home. Safe travels.

[Tractorhead 9,064]

Safe travels back.

and prayers to your Dad.