April Fools Day

[bc.gold 3,403]

Teachers Urge Government To Reopen Schools Before Students Learn To Think For Themselves

https://babylonbee.com/news/teachers-warn-parents-arent-properly-equipped-to-indoctrinate-children

 

U.S.—Teachers at government schools have raised their concerns that the recent closure of their institutions will have a damaging effect on students. In particular, the nation's educators are worried that the longer the schools are closed, the more likely it is that students will begin thinking for themselves, learn life skills away from the government school system, and realize how much more they learn at home.

 

"We must reopen as soon as possible -- before they regain their ability to have independent thoughts," said New York 4th-grade teacher Ms. Jenny Mudd. "This is an urgent crisis. We realize we have to do our part to prevent the spread of the virus, but we must also prevent the spread of unapproved ideas. There's a balance there."

"Reopen the schools before it is too late."

Sure enough, studies have already shown a strong correlation between everyone being homeschooled and a concerning spike in independent thought. Students who have been away from the government school system for even a week stop feeling depressed and anxious all the time and even show a shocking increase in the ability to form thoughts and ideas not approved by the government.

Teachers have further pointed out that parents aren't properly equipped to indoctrinate their children with government propaganda. "I went to school for eight years to be able to do this," said Portland kindergarten teacher Ms. Pinkerton. "Parents just don't have the experience of stuffing kids' heads full of a statist worldview seven hours a day like I do

Edited April 2, 2020 by bcgold

[CCW 1,292]

9 hours ago, bcgold said:

Teachers Urge Government To Reopen Schools.

https://babylonbee.com/news/teachers-warn-parents-arent-properly-equipped-to-indoctrinate-children
 

Sad that you think this is funny.

[wallfish 16,985]

Another one you can try at home.

Empty out a couple capsules of Tylenol and fill them with Kool-Aid powder. The potent stuff, not with added sugar and red works the best. Take off the shower head and place those loaded capsules inside, replace the shower head. During the next shower the color will confuse the crap out of them because of the nice delay in release.

 

Making strange noises and or moving stuff with 2 lb fishing line really has a great effect for pulling pranks too. Haunt your own house! Do it along with capsule trick above like it was blood coming out of the shower and she'll want to move out! Might be a good idea to wear a cup when coming clean on this one!

[nylyon-(Admin) 7,268]

My daughter told me "Dad, come quick, the toilet is smoking!"

 

[Mickwhitt 4,592]

We always used to get our reception guy to put calls out for spoof names on the tannoy for the whole building to hear. Hugh Janus was a good one, Don Kiddick always raised a laugh. Because we were the police we could always rely on putting out a call for DC 10 or PC world. 

My worst was a trick played over the airwaves... new female radio operator in the control room.

I called up for a boarding up service at a burglary.  They always needed to know the size of the window to be boarded up. So I gave her the size as square, four feet six inches. But I garbled the first bit, please say again came the reply...

It's a squ xxxx xxx indow xxx eet xx six inches.

I'm not getting it say again..

It's a sqxxxx indow xxx eet y six inches

Sorry I'm only getting six inches came the reply. 

"Well that makes you the lucky one"

Next message was from my inspector, inviting me in for a chat. 

 

[Mickwhitt 4,592]

I was the victim of a dastardly plot or two myself over the years.

 

I spent an entire night shift in the morgue after being told to wait for a person to come and ID a body. "Do not use your radio in the hospital and the switchboard is off so you cant phone out, just wait" was the instruction.

And wait I did, locked in with a dozen dead folk as company. Day shift collected me and I was the butt of jokes for a good while.

 

I got done by an oldie but a goodie, played on new starters.

"Its a flag day today, be in the reception at 8AM sharp in best uniform and white gloves to hoist the union flag". I was told at briefing. One of the old hands said font worry, it's a responsible job but I'll talk you through it.

At 8am I collected the flag, marched smartly to the flag pole in front of the nick and tied her on to the toggle. I saluted, hoisted the flag, saluted again, about turned to face the nick and saw every staff member crowding the windows and laughing. I about turned and marched off down the road until snap time forced me back to the cop shop where I was teased relentlessly.

Mick 

[bc.gold 3,403]

5 hours ago, CCW said:

Sad that you think this is funny.

 

It helps if you have a morbid sense of humor, which come from my mothers English side of the family.

Edited April 2, 2020 by bcgold

[8ntruck 6,991]

Got my wife with an oldie, but a goodie: "YOUR SHOE IS UNTIED"