A Reminder...

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

I may not be, or ever be, an epert WH man like so many of you here. And thats ok. I may never even 'know' WHs like y'all.

But i know a great place...and PEOPLE...when i see them; God puts them in front of me.

And i have found all that and more here.

I wont go into details yet, and in fact, involved parties might say im putting the cart b4 the horse with this post.

But i dont think so.

Even if things dont go as planned or hoped...an act of kindness...an expression of willingness to help a stranger...yes, me...has me feeling humbled...and grateful...for this place. And those that make it up.

And i just want you all to know what a wonderful thing you all have created, with site.

I truly thank every one of you for letting me be a part of it.

God Bless every one of you.

[Pullstart 62,795]

We’re glad you could make it to the site!  Some day when I grow up I’ll “know” about these things too   I’ll second you that the acts of kindness and generosity from many members here are bar none.  It’ll go much further than tractor parts or a bite to eat too.  Stick around and get involved, you’ll see!

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

I intend to stick around.

Things just dont always go as planned.

But i plan on learning n sharing.

Count on that.

[953 nut 55,081]

God has truly blessed all of us in ways we take for granted. Sharing the love we have been shown is one of the commandments that should be a part of daily life. The fact that little red tractors have brought us together just provides another opportunity to share our blessings. 

[The Tuul Crib 7,336]

I too feel the same way! I have made some great friends with lots of helpful 

ideas and tips along the way!  Have not made it to

the big show but hope to make it soon. 
Again we also have the mods and all

involved to make this a great site!! 
 

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

I want you guys to know some things.

Things that make you all special to me.

...

I was born with mild CP. Bullied in school. Rough life...sure lots i kno had it worse...but this was mine, thatsall. Anyways...ive always been socially awkward, low esteem; depression...you kno. Well...my whole life ive tried to do whats right. Even when i was a practicing drunk (13 yrs sober)...most said i was what youd call a 'good guy'; kind thatd give you the shirt off his back, forsaking his own. Well, not perfectly...but yes, thats me. And when i go all in...well i kno what that means...and my word was...is...the one thing noone could ever say i sold out, or gave away.

I never expected much of my life. Finding God more easily than ever when i sobered, i just trusted Him. Didnt have a pot to pee in when i quit the drink in 06, i wasnt farther along in '10. Had already been living here for 10 yrs...with only 1 real friend to my name.

Met her, then...

Look, we never married...but she is IT for me. She decided recently...i wasnt. Now, there is more to the story...invoving my wrongs...hers too...a mutal friend who passed of cancer in '16 (how ive come to 'live' in this run down house); now just me an my dog Clara (see pic). Boys n girls, im telling you...financially we will be tied for yrs unless i do my usual financial digging out (been in n out of debt 4 times so far in my life, proud to say). Im thankful we are BOTH the kind of people that wouldnt screw some1 over that way (she has a great job; im on a fixed income...harder for me, but i kno she wouldnt let me starve lol).

But, thing is...im the guy i spoke of above. Even in this city. Isolated. Kinda socially inept. Rough past....if it werent for God...id just talk to Clara mostly. I have good long term friend 120 miles north... ut that doesnt help, here, with this. My life, shambles as it is. 

And if it wasnt for forums years ago....but only this one, now...id feel i have noone human to regularly 'hang around' with, or socialize.

You all are literally helping me get by.

That is why you, this place, is special.

In closing...please, dont think im blaming her, or anyone, for my current lot in life. The blame(s) are all mine...she is a wonderful Lady. I just screwed up. Its what i do best, lol. And plz dont think im asking for sympathy. Im not....but writing is therapy,  i think, for me. 

I know some1 will read it...maybe itll help them, even just to see it could be worse, to keep trying.

Im still fighting some of my demons. Hopefully i have one more chance left. We will see.

But i couldnt say that to any1 but all of you, tonight...im not very brave rightnow; these days. I may be in rough shape...even typing this is hard...but i know enough to say God Bless You All.

Thankyou for listening.

I hope i did not offend, or upset any1, or say too much.

But to close with a paraphrase from John Wayne in 'the Shootist'...

'Im a grown man, alone, scared of the dark'

 

[The Tuul Crib 7,336]

The human body and spirit is resilient and will always bounce back. He who helps himself can change the world.For all of us here at we make new 

friends and enjoy what we do. We will endure and we will all overcome! 
God bless brother! 
oh and l like your friend there!

Edited February 2, 2020 by The Tool Crib

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

19 minutes ago, The Tool Crib said:

The human body and spirit is resilient and will always bounce back. He who helps himself can change the world.For all of us here at we make new 

friends and enjoy what we do. We will endure and we will all overcome! 
God bless brother! 
oh and l like your friend there!

Thankyou, for all you said.

I dont know about resilient...rightnow, i dont feel thatway...not to be melancholy...but i like to be honest, above all else.

Her name's Clara...inherited her with the house.

I would be lost here, without her, now...

Everybody's 1st words when they meet her are 'She's Beautiful!'...i just answer...

'She know's it, too, thankyou...'

And she does.

[Darb1964 1,042]

Sitting, feeling sorry for myself recuperating from hernia surgery, and living with multiple sclerosis that has drastically changed my life, I thought I would see what was happening on this forum. I do that a few times a day very good therapy, helps me forget about all my troubles for a while. Learn lots about red tractors and about life. 12 Horse my life started much different than yours, I was a very good athlete,  arrogant beyond measure, football and baseball. Baseball being my best sport, scholarship out of high school, messed that up, need not go into detail.

married my high school sweet heart, best thing I have ever done, thirty five years in july. I would not be here today with out her.

I had a good job, worked every second I was a wake, to make or save a buck. To say MS has humbled me would be a understatement, I have been on disability retirement sense june of 2017. I have had a lot of time to think about thing's, good and bad, sometimes I get in my truck and drive around and scream at the top of my lungs, I'm frustrated, I don't feel like a man. Then I get mad at myself for being such a baby. Sometimes the screaming helps,sometimes it don't. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, if I wake up alive I will try to do my best. I will tell my wife that I love her as she leaves for work. I will get a coffee then check out this forum.

Good dog and a red tractor, 12Horse with them and this forum,utopia is in your future. 

God bless!!

[19richie66 17,500]

This the best place on the web. I joined after my dad passed and I inherited his tractors in 2012 and have been here ever since. I now have my own small collection. It’s great to keep busy and get your mind off of other things. I have met online and in person some great friends. Darb, I know what the hernia stuff is like as I had two of them in my teen years. Not fun. As Red Green says....” I’m pulling for you.... we’re all in this together”

[clueless 2,976]

You got a good dog, and a Wheel Horse and a roof over both, your doing better than some, hang in there my friend.

[stevasaurus 22,710]

This place IS Excellent therapy.  God bless us all.  

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

14 hours ago, Darb1964 said:

Sitting, feeling sorry for myself recuperating from hernia surgery, and living with multiple sclerosis that has drastically changed my life, I thought I would see what was happening on this forum. I do that a few times a day very good therapy, helps me forget about all my troubles for a while. Learn lots about red tractors and about life. 12 Horse my life started much different than yours, I was a very good athlete,  arrogant beyond measure, football and baseball. Baseball being my best sport, scholarship out of high school, messed that up, need not go into detail.

married my high school sweet heart, best thing I have ever done, thirty five years in july. I would not be here today with out her.

I had a good job, worked every second I was a wake, to make or save a buck. To say MS has humbled me would be a understatement, I have been on disability retirement sense june of 2017. I have had a lot of time to think about thing's, good and bad, sometimes I get in my truck and drive around and scream at the top of my lungs, I'm frustrated, I don't feel like a man. Then I get mad at myself for being such a baby. Sometimes the screaming helps,sometimes it don't. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, if I wake up alive I will try to do my best. I will tell my wife that I love her as she leaves for work. I will get a coffee then check out this forum.

Good dog and a red tractor, 12Horse with them and this forum,utopia is in your future. 

God bless!!

Darb1964...your post had me shedding tears. You mentioned something. Your wife.

Yall, this might sound cliche,  or mushy, but...

My entire life ive been mostly solo. I can count my relationships...the real ones...on one hand. N have a thumb n 2 fingers left over. And only my 1st was even remotely close to what She n i had...i still say have, to a degree, but im the only 1 that feels it here today i know. And that 1st one couldnt hold a candle to this one, in my insides; feelings.

All i wver wanted was a good woman's love. Period. Everything else was just icing on the cake. And i finally found that. Sounds like what you have. But, i blew it. For me...nothing else really matters. She made me so much better than i ever could be...or will be, without her. Thats mushy sounding...but true.

You hit the nail on the head when you said...admitted...you wouldnt be here without her.

Well...thats my Pam.

So from here on out...it all gets...interesting.

And i dunno where to turn.

Thankyou for beingvso open...i respect that like you wouldnt believe; i know it isnt easy.

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

...i would like to add, that im not trying to compare my situation, or sound ungrateful. I kno i e had good fortune with lots of things in life. Hell im lucky to be breathing after '06, period. 

Im just sharing thoughts. Cuz, well...im scared, sure...but also cuz i really am kind of stuck, as to what to do next.

And i really do have toomuch time, to just think. Some of that is my fault, i admit. But sometimes there really is nothing i can do.

Was to church today for the 1st time in awhile. Read from Judges, n talked of puttingbones faith in the Lord. I kno i need to do that better...

But the wait is another thing.

Hope that makes sense.

[Darb1964 1,042]

Give it time, there is someone out there that thinks they will never find the right person. In time your paths will cross. Walk your dog in the park, woman magnet.

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

On 2/2/2020 at 2:51 PM, Darb1964 said:

Give it time, there is someone out there that thinks they will never find the right person. In time your paths will cross. Walk your dog in the park, woman magnet.

I just wanted to let you know, Sir, that i have read nnreread this post many many times, n been thinking of it, since you posted. I know you are right...and even your idea has merit. I know cuz ive seen it...Miss Clara, she is a magnet.

But...

I kid you not, as i type these words, shakily...

Pam is the One, not unlike how you spoke of your wife.

She is IT.

I could not think of different any easier than i bet you could.

Big talk, i know...but...*softly* i know.

But i surely do appreciate you taking the time to post, n try to help put a spin on things. Ive added you to my prayer list, in fact.

Youve made that kind of impact for other reasons, too.

Just know i wish you and Yours the very best.

May you have many more amazing yrs together.

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

...Not to totally derail the main point of my posting all this in the 1st place, i wish to add to all: Having spoke to one of your members via phone recently, i just want to reiterate what an amazing community you have. 

There is still kindness and humanity in this world. And though ive always known that...as of late...to see it directed at me...both floors and humbles me.

It is amazing. He is; you all are.

And i thankyou all again, from the bottom of my heart...

Edited February 3, 2020 by 12Horse Paladin

[D_Mac 8,593]

I agree with everything said. I have shared what I have been going through recently with my battles with cancer. Found out past Feb that I had cancer in my throat and while in the hospital having surgery on my throat one of the scans revealed I also have cancer on my pancreas. News that nobody ever wants to hear. This past year I admit has been hell. I wouldnt wish what I have been through on anyone. It effects you physically, mentally, and financially. Nothing about it is easy. I live alone, I have never been married, and I have no kids. Sure I wish things were different but this is my life. I dont feel sorry for myself. I dont feel defeated. I dont ask for pity. I do once in awhile ask and need help. Every one of us needs help once in awhile in our lives.There is no shame in that. The help could come in the form of advice on fixing a tractor, a ride to treatment, or just being in someones company. We all need a hand up from time to time. All that I have been through has been life changing. Going forward my life will never be like it was just one year ago. Thats my point. We must move forward not look back. Going forward I look at people much differently. I can not thank people enough for the help and care I have received. To everyone in the hospital, doctors , nurses, the staff that changed my sheets and cleaned my room everyday. They all did it with a smile and ALWAYS asked me if there was anything else they could do for me. To my family that gave me strength and encouragement to go through just one more surgery...  just one more treatment...  just one more day. All wishing it could be them instead of me. Friends for doing everything I couldnt do on my own once I was out of hospital. People are amazing. I see that even total strangers say to me " if there is anything I can do for you just ask"  and I know in their hearts that they mean every word. Asking for a hand up isnt the same as asking for a hand out. You cant change the past but you can change your future. Its hard. Everyday I struggle. mentally now more then physically but Im still here fighting. Doing what makes me happy. Red Square makes me happy. Talking tractors or trucks or hot rods all make me happy. So does listening to friends like 12Horse and Darb and knowing that I am not alone. Sharing my experiences with them and hoping their tomorrow will be a better day. Red Square is not all about tractors. Its about good people offering help, sharing past experiences, caring for one and other. Notice here there isnt much discussion on how things went wrong but what can we share from our past experiences to help. You are never alone, what ever it is you are going through someone has already been there and done that. Strength in numbers.

[12Horse Paladin 1,038]

@D_Mac

Sent you a pm.

...thankyou...